I'm here tae tell
That I'm an Aiberdonian, same's yersel
There's nocht sae queer as fowk. I see them
Gulp their Chinee doon, syne cowk
Near ilkie Setterday on Union Street

We gulls are cannie far we pit wir feet
Ye'll note, WE dinna argue wi wir meat
An ye've the neck tae tell us that we skirl
Yer soun at closin time makks ma beak dirl

Wi stoun o stottin humans, wavin cans
That bobbies hae tae cairt awa in vans.
“Clear aff”, sez ye, “An dine on North Sea fish”
We micht, bit they're a gey suspicious dish

Fur ilkie time ye pull yer lavvie chyne
Far dae ye think it's destined? Tae the brine!
An tides that wash the beach, cairry awa
Yer duggies doins tae the fishies mawe

We're blamed fur powkin in the human midden
Weel, buy a wheelie bin an keep it hidden
The ither day, I met a refugee
A hoodie frae the t'ither side o Huntly

He sez yer pesticides gaed him sair bellies
Fin powkin in remains, he'd tae weir wellies
Fur fear o gettin kill't wi Chemistry
Mixi, or ither hellish human bree

I telt him, processed meat is aa I ett
It's safer, an I like ma denners hett
Sae dinna rage, an cowp me aff yer lum
A gull maun hae a place tae park its bum

We'd aince clean air, sea ... girsse insteid o steen
We're sennin a petition tae the Queen
Fur humans tae be banned frae reproducin'
The anely answer tae the toun's pollution!