They skelp a baa aroon a park, aimin fur a hole
Preenin aa their veesion on a flag abune a pole —
Or kick a baa aroon the girse, dubs frae buits tae knee
Rinnin back an forrit, like a reid-ersed bee.
Powk a baa alang a cloot,aimin fur a neuk,
Doon it draps. Oh winnerfu! It disna. Fit a sook!

Wedded wives an bidie-ins, aa the truth maun face
Fitba, snooker, rugby, gowf, hauds menfowks’ pride o place
Laundry, cookin, swypin styew ... weemin bide at hame
Skirlin littlins, shitey hippens, ilkie day the same ...

Yon’s Jock Sim stood at the door ... Can Tam come fur a pint?
He canna. Faith ... he’s ’neth the thoomb. His nose is ooto jynt.
An gin ye gyangs, ye may be sure, ae pint is twalve an twa
He’ll drink a hauf wikk’s wages doon ... syne pee’t agin the waa
An hyter hame a sorry sicht ... wi hauf.the pub in towe
(Jist drapped in fur a news ye ken, fur drams an cairds till 5 am ...
Fit needs there be a row?)

They caa this thralldom ‘wedded bliss’ ... ye’ll find they dinna grudge it
Tae chyne ye tae a kitchie sink, wi bairns on a smaa budget.
Tae pairt wi siller tae the wife wad jist be vile wastrie
She’d spen it as on eesless dirt, like heatin, claes, an pastry.

I jinked the jyler. Noo my lane,
There’s naebody tells me ‘Canna’
Divorced, an sae I come an gae
An naebody sez I mauna

Man’s anely eese that I can see, is in aneth the sheets
My perfect stud wad hae tae haud the virr o ten Magrittes
A dash o Chopin, Freud, an Blake
Moravia an Dali
Georges Simenon, Hans Holbein, Keats,
Buddha, Burns, an Saki
Napoleon, Dante,Tarzan ...
Ted Hughes, an jist fur fun
Leonidas, Aurelius,
An Attila the Hun.
Seamus Heaney, D.H. Lawrence,
Poirot, Pepys an Heinrich Heine
… Bit I’d settle fur a shottie
O a pairt-time concubine

Ay, luikin’t up, an luikin’t doon
I’m nae in ony doot
Afore I’d be a bidie-in
I’d be a bidie-oot!

They skelp a baa aroon a park, aimin fur a hole
Preenin aa their veesion on a flag abune a pole —
Or kick a baa aroon the girse, dubs frae buits tae knee
Rinnin back an forrit, like a reid-ersed bee.
Powk a baa alang a cloot,aimin fur a neuk,
Doon it draps. Oh winnerfu! It disna. Fit a sook!

Wedded wives an bidie-ins, aa the truth maun face
Fitba, snooker, rugby, gowf, hauds menfowks’ pride o place
Laundry, cookin, swypin styew ... weemin bide at hame
Skirlin littlins, shitey hippens, ilkie day the same ...

Yon’s Jock Sim stood at the door ... Can Tam come fur a pint?
He canna. Faith ... he’s ’neth the thoomb. His nose is ooto jynt.
An gin ye gyangs, ye may be sure, ae pint is twalve an twa
He’ll drink a hauf wikk’s wages doon ... syne pee’t agin the waa
An hyter hame a sorry sicht ... wi hauf.the pub in towe
(Jist drapped in fur a news ye ken, fur drams an cairds till 5 am ...
Fit needs there be a row?)

They caa this thralldom ‘wedded bliss’ ... ye’ll find they dinna grudge it
Tae chyne ye tae a kitchie sink, wi bairns on a smaa budget.
Tae pairt wi siller tae the wife wad jist be vile wastrie
She’d spen it as on eesless dirt, like heatin, claes, an pastry.

I jinked the jyler. Noo my lane,
There’s naebody tells me ‘Canna’
Divorced, an sae I come an gae
An naebody sez I mauna

Man’s anely eese that I can see, is in aneth the sheets
My perfect stud wad hae tae haud the virr o ten Magrittes
A dash o Chopin, Freud, an Blake
Moravia an Dali
Georges Simenon, Hans Holbein, Keats,
Buddha, Burns, an Saki
Napoleon, Dante,Tarzan ...
Ted Hughes, an jist fur fun
Leonidas, Aurelius,
An Attila the Hun.
Seamus Heaney, D.H. Lawrence,
Poirot, Pepys an Heinrich Heine
… Bit I’d settle fur a shottie
O a pairt-time concubine

Ay, luikin’t up, an luikin’t doon  I’m nae in ony doot
Afore I’d be a bidie-in
I’d be a bidie-oot!